A Second Life

RAPE/ABUSE TRIGGER. 

(not kidding at all)

Shortly after that rather embarrassing moment in Esteban’s bedroom, we headed to the backyard and said our casual goodbye to Sergio’s friends before leaving the party. It was around eleven forty when we bounced, but his dashboard clock said it was now twelve midnight. 

Good, I thought, looking out the window of Sergio’s Land Rover. I had one more hour before Nathan’s shift at the hospital ends. Hopefully I’d be in bed by the time he gets home.

“By the way, Nena,” Sergio’s voice disrupted my flying thoughts. ”What’s a tingting?” 

He slowed the vehicle before making a sharp turn to the right, smoothly letting the steering wheel glide through his palms.

“You don’t know what a tingting is?” I chuckled, briefly amused by his ignorance. “Seriously?”

“Well, I’ve never even heard of that word. So…what is it exactly?”

I sighed. I really didn’t want to be talking about private parts, especially when I just saw one I wasn’t expecting. But then Sergio kept on momentarily glancing at me as he drove, as though he wouldn’t stop until I gave him a definition.

“Fine. Women have vajayjays, and men have tingtings.” I kept my answer short.”Now can we not talk about it? I’d really like to forget about what I just saw back there.”

“Vajayjays.” he suddenly uttered, before repeating it over and over to himself, as though something about the word was amazing. “Vajayjay. Vajayjay. Vajay—-“

“Okay…” I looked at him, trying not to laugh. “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of that term either?”

“Actually, I have.” He replied. ”I’m just…trying to remember where.”

This guy, I thought, as I looked at him admiringly. Sergio was the cutest when he didn’t mean it, and the longer I stared at that crease that just formed in between his eyebrows, the bigger my smile got. 

“Okay, now what street should I be looking for, again?” He asked as he bent a little to look at the road signs. 

Apparently, the trip back home was shorter, unlike when he picked me up earlier that evening. The heavy traffic had diffused, and fewer people were on the road, so we reached the quiet suburban neighborhood in Chamartin, a few minutes after twelve.

“El Viso.” I replied, as I took my purse and scrambled in it for my house keys. It was what I hated the most about my bags, you know? Inside, they were always a mess and I always had trouble finding the stuff I need without my things plopping out when I dig in. I should really learn to leave things behind. I don’t know but I always carry with me a wad of stuff, half of them I never even really use, but feel compelled to take with me everywhere. Makeup, a hairbrush, a smaller hairbrush, a pen light, a small notepad and a ballpen, my iPod with its earphones wrapped around it, a small bottle of alcohol, a small first aid kit, apart from my prescription meds that I had to take daily, new ones this time, cause the old ones didn’t seem to work in getting rid of the nightmares and moderating the depression. Anyhow, of course I also carried with me everywhere my stupid phone, a small coin purse, my wallet, where I keep little cash, a couple of credit cards, several IDs, an old photo of myself before the accident and that surgery, and a medical note that certifies my identity in case I encounter problems with my IDs’ validity. So far, I hadn’t used it, and hopefully I never have to. I really didn’t want to be taking out and showing anyone that old picture of me just to prove I was me. I looked totally different, and absolutely fugly. Thank God I don’t have to live with that face again.

“What are you doing?” Sergio shortly glanced at me, before going back to watchfully taking note of every street we roll by. 

“Can’t find my fucking keys.” I muttered irritably. “I always, just always have trouble findi—-ah, here it is.” 

I pulled it out carelessly, dropping my phone, my hairbrush and my iPod on my lap and on the floor. I picked them up one by one and just stuffed them back into my bag before zipping it closed.

“This is El Viso now.” Sergio said, slowing the vehicle as we entered the quit street. “Which one’s your house?”

“It’s not my house. It’s Nathan’s house. We just live together.” I blurted. 

“Okay then, which one is Nathan’s house?” he rephrased, as he shot me a quick glance. 

 “Third from the last on your left. But right there is fine.” I said, pointing to a corner about four houses from the dwelling.

“Third from the last on my left…” Sergio’s eyes kept glued on the windshield, as he began counting from the end of the short street.

“Sergio, what are you doing?” I exclaimed worriedly. ”Don’t get too close!”  

Quickly, he stepped on the breaks, bringing the car to a jerky stop. We both yanked a little.

“Dammit.”

I looked at him. “What’s the matter?”

“I can’t do it like this.” he said. He put his left hand on the side of his head while he rested his elbow by the car door’s windowpane. 

“What ca—-“

“This is stupid.” He uttered, before turning to face me, with frustration in his eyes. “I’m not cool with this.”

I took a deep breath as I looked down on my lap. I could feel him still staring at me, but I refused to look back. 

“I meant it when I said leave him.” he softly uttered as he took my hand and squeezed it.”You said you want to be with me, did you not?”

“Sergio, come on now. We talked about this.” I voiced out. “You know it’s not that simple. Nathan an—-”

“How long?” He suddenly asked. ”How long until your gratefulness runs out? I don’t want to be ‘the other guy’, Elena. I want to be the only guy.”

“Sergio, please.” I begged, without looking up to him. I had no promises to leave him with. No assurance to give, no word he could hold on to that I could say. How could I, when I didn’t even know how to deal with anything on my own? Nathan and my life with him was all I knew. I’d never thought of the future, I barely even thought of my past. I only thought of nothing but the present. It was all I had.

I could feel Sergio’s eyes on me intently, but I could tell he knew there was nothing to wait for me to say. Soon, I felt him tighten his hold on my hand. “You know, if I didn’t feel this way about you, I wouldn’t even…dammit, I love you, Elena. And I don’t know why the hell I’m even doing this, this is insane. This is —-“

I quickly let go of his hand, took his face and cupped it in my palms, turned him to face me and leaned over to give him a kiss.

I felt him slide his hands around my waist, pulling me closer. But just as our bodies pressed against each other, uncaring of the center console that was between us, I pulled away gently.

“I have to go, Sergio. I’ll call you.”

I took his arms and slowly slid them off me. Then I turned, opened the door, and got out of the SUV. Before I could close the door, he leaned over the passenger seat I just vacated.

“When?” 

“I don’t know, I’ll see. But I’ll call you.” I replied. “I promise.” 

“I’ll wait, okay? I’ll wait.” he determinedly said. I couldn’t explain the look in his eyes this time. My heart just sank at the sight of him when I got out the car. It made it so hard for me to turn and go. 

Fuck, I thought. I just wanted to be with him. We didn’t even need to be in a real relationship. Or have sex. I just wanted to literally, physically be with him. Even just to sit in the car, or lie on his bed, or just hold hands. I just wanted to be with him that way. If being emotionally committed was not possible for us as of the moment, if exclusivity was out of the question, I would settle for his company. I would just be there, sit next to him. 

Just…be with him.

Fuck this, I said to myself, as I took a deep breath. Before closing the door entirely, I put my foot on the step bar, leaned over to him one more time, and kissed him again. 

I felt his hand hold the side of my face as he kissed me back passionately. But just as I felt he was about to pull me back into the vehicle, I let go of his lips, slid out of the car and off the step bar. Just before I shut the door, I looked at him lovingly, painfully, reluctant to say goodbye. 

“I love you, Sergio.” 

I no longer waited for a response. I just turned and walked my way to the house. I didn’t stop, and I didn’t look back.

*****

I shut the door behind me quietly, before I walked into the dark living room. 

“Where were you?” Nathaniel’s voice stopped me instantly. He turned on the lamp, revealing himself seated on the couch. 

I had no idea he was already home. I didn’t see his car on the driveway. “I, um…I went to get doughnuts.”

“At this time of the night?” Nathaniel stood up crossed his arms. His voice was eerily calm. “Where are they?” 

Here we go, I thought. I had to think of a way out of it, before he finds out I’m not being truthful and begin throwing things again like a lunatic. 

“I dined in.” I replied.

And Nathaniel responded with a scoff.

At the back of my mind, I already knew he wasn’t going to believe me. I don’t know if he’d always been like this, but Nathaniel was a doubtful person. And I knew what I just gave him was a lousy excuse. But I’d already told him earlier that I went to get my sweet fix, so I thought I’d stick to my story. I also gave it a shot and looked into his eyes the entire time, thinking maybe it would help. Liars have difficulty establishing eye contact. We both knew that. So despite of my heart pounding the entire time, I barely blinked.

“Come here.” he ordered. The strange quietness in his voice  —- if that even makes sense, brought a sense of fear in me all of a sudden. Nathaniel’s face didn’t move, like he got overdosed on botox or something. Not one single facial muscle twitched.

“Nathan, I’m tired. Can we just talk tomorrow? Can we just go to bed?” I said. Not waiting for his response anymore, I quickly just turned to head to the stairs.

“I said come here!” he suddenly exclaimed. His thunderous voice caused me to stop and freeze by the foot of the stairs. 

“I’m not fucking anyone!!!” I yelled back, lying through my teeth. Unable to grab anything I could hit him with, but desperate to escape his painful grasp, I raised my hand to his face and directly poked two of my fingers into his nostrils as deep as I could, using it as leverage to push him away.

I was aiming for the eyes, really. But I figured it would be gross to have my fingers into his sockets.

No, seriously. 

Anyway, it did okay. It came unexpected and as such, Nathan let go of my hair and out of reflex, he backed off. He quickly put his hand over his nose, then checked his palm to see if my nails got him to bleed. At this point, I took the chance to turn and head for the front door. But before I could take a step further, he snatched the skirt of my dress and pulled me back. 

“You stupid whore, you think you can do this to me?” he whispered angrily. “You don’t go around cheating on me like this, you hear me?”

I tried to grab his arm to get him to let go of me, but before I could, he held my wrist in his hand in an extremely tight grasp. I began to wildly fight him. I rolled my hand into a ball, and with a closed fist, I hit him continuously on his chest. 

Nathaniel was no athlete, but he was a vain one. He had quite the muscles and the built, too, and no matter how hard I pounded my hand on him, I couldn’t get him to budge or let go.

“You’re insane, Nathan!” I yelled, ”Insane!!!”

I thought of doing the nostril-poke once more, thinking of how effective it was a while ago. But before I could, I felt his other hand violently lift my skirt up. His palm forcefully ran up my inner thigh and in a vehement manner, started touching me. 

“Nathan!! Stop it!” I screamed. “Stop it, you asshole! Get your hands off me!!”

“Why, huh!?” he uttered under his breath, as he continuously rubbed my center. “I’m not turning you on? Cause you’ve gotten fucked by your boy already? Huh?” 

to be continued…